Fuck Off Friday 2015/7/24

My concept of time is one that is often skewed. I will eventually associate linear concepts to it, such as a date, but typically, for whatever reason, I always associate memories and events with what I was listening to at the time.

For example, the summer of '95 was a really special one for me, for a number of reasons, and all those memories are bound to Everclear - Sparkle and Fade, Neil Young - Mirror Ball, Mad Season - Above, White Zombie - Astrocreep 2000 and more. I couldn't tell you when, exactly, a lot of things happened, but I can tell you what was in my Walkman, and later, my phone, at that general time.

Which is why it was so puzzling to me, the other night, that I associate Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic with Velvet Revolver and Melissa auf der Maur. Contraband and Auf der Maur, I was certain, came out a couple years after KotOR.

And I was right. KotOR hit in 2003, but I wouldn't touch it. I also didn't have an Xbox.

Now, I'm also not someone that views nostalgia as a good thing, in fact, I tend to have a pretty low opinion of those that are hung up on nostalgia, as if all good things stopped happening after they turned 18, so I tend not to dwell on the past.

As such, I was fairly surprised and amused when I thought through the events that led me to KotOR.

There was a time, pretty much from sixth grade (when I got the first Final Fantasy the day it came out at the local Wal-Mart after going ga-ga about it from Nintendo Power previews), all the way through high school, that pretty much all I played was JRPGs and other Japanese console games. Western development and PC gaming were nowhere on my radar.

Then, the transition from Final Fantasy IX to Final Fantasy X happened. It was a really hard time. Personally, from 1996 to 2001, I had a pretty substantial 'growing up' transformation, but also, the gaming landscape changed dramatically. JRPGs hit their peak, the Final Fantasy movie happened, Sakaguchi was tossed out of Squenix, and we were handed the very bland Final Fantasy X. It's not a bad game, and actually has some very strong points, but overall, it served as a death knell for the genre and the series.

In that time, a funny thing happened. Microsoft entered the console race. I initially sneered at this, since at the time, I knew Bill Gates and Microsoft were little more than the Borg manifested in reality.

I played through Final Fantasy X, despite the story and characters and overall bland experience (though combat was pretty rad), I tried Final Fantasy XI, which I hated (I'd never played an MMO before), I actually kinda dug X-2, mainly because it had great systems and didn't feature the heavy-handed pseudo-angst of X, while slowly, western RPGs started to creep into the console world.

I remember a roommate showing me Morrowind on his PC during this time. It was ugly, different, and weird. I just flat-out ignored it.

I remember seeing KotOR get previewed in EGM, GamePro, and a few other magazines. I remember seeing it on gaming websites, which were still kind of a new thing for me then.

I remember seeing it, thinking it looked more like an action game, and since it wasn't turn-based, I wasn't even going to look at it.

I remember all this stuff, and I smirk and shake my head. Ah, youth (despite being in my 20s at the time).

I did my undergrad in Chicago. One weekend, I went back to St. Louis (where I've spent most of my life) to visit family and friends. One particular evening, a very good friend, whose tastes I've come to trust, told me about being at another buddy's house and watching him play that new 'Knights of the Old Republic' game, and it was super-awesome, because there was this part where you had to clear a room of Sith, and you could either hack a computer to blow shit up in there, or you could reprogram this droid, and there were all these choices throughout the game that got you light and dark side points, and it was so awesome.

So, I mulled it over, then went out and bought KotOR for PC. And my PC wasn't beefy enough to run it. So I went out and bought an Xbox and KotOR. This was 2004.

Bear in mind, this was my first BioWare game. I'd ignored PC gaming all through the 90s, so this kind of game was just mind-blowing.

Having a JRPG junkie, I was very much accustomed to the 'illusion of choice' that JRPGs gave, and which, years later, BioShock would point out is actually in nearly every game. While KotOR definitely had some of this illusion going, the order of magnitude was far less, in terms of how much of it was illusion. Choices actually produced multiple and seemingly profound outcomes. Companions reacted to me. Situations had multiple approach vectors. AND I HAVE A FUCKING LIGHTSABER.

I was in love, and at a very key time. Some personal things had completely fallen apart, and at a critical juncture. Long story short, I was a free agent, on all fronts, but I needed to go home (St. Louis) and take care of some things there. While St. Louis and Star Wars were all-too familiar to me, they'd also changed a lot in my absence, and I needed that combination of familiar and new.

I played the hell out of this thing, still managed to graduate that spring, and then during my move back to St. Louis, the HDD in the Xbox was damaged, and I was heart-broken.

I went to my local GameStop (one of the old FuncoLands I'd run as a managed, actually), and got a brand-new Xbox and a trial for Xbox Live. I bought the Xbox-exclusive DLC for KotOR (some station where you rescue a guy and you can buy shit), and started my game over. Replaying all the stuff I'd already done was actually more fun than I thought it would be. I actually made some different choices that time around, completed some things I hadn't before, and marveled at how some of the companions reacted a little differently.

That summer, I started to hear about KotOR 2, which was coming from a different developer, but they were friends with BioWare or something, and it was going to hit that holiday. So, I accelerated my play even more, to make sure I was ready.

Anyway, playing through KotOR was a transformative experience, and one that I am so glad happened. It really did forever alter my trajectory, not just as a gamer, but as a developer, and person. My narrow tastes were expanded greatly, and there was so much more out there for me to enjoy. I went back through BioWare's back catalog, same with Obisidian and Black Isle, and then eventually found my way to Bethesda, and on and on.

Also, JRPGs, Final Fantasy XII aside, seemed to go straight into the shitter. I guess I do like Final Fantasy XIV, as well.

Anyway, as you may know, KotOR 2 got a big update out of nowhere, which led me to finally mod up my KotOR1 install to 1920x1080, and I've been replaying it. As I said, I tend to look down on nostalgia quite a bit, and I still do, but it's been interesting to hear echoes of the past as I talk and fight my way through the underbelly of Taris. It's also interesting to compare my more recent adventures on Taris in SWTOR with what I'm seeing now.

I've also found it interesting to see, first hand, just how far BioWare has come as a developer since the release of KotOR in 2002. And not only from the obvious technology standpoint, but in terms of how they implement that technology, and how design sensibilities have evolved, both in terms of development choices, but also how those choices have shaped consumer expectations.

I have many more thoughts on this that I'll share here, but not right now. Time and trying to avoid the 'mega-post' are constraints right now.

Oh, and I don't even have time to talk about the amazing mods out there for KotOR2.

Anyway, I'll be replaying KotOR, KotOR2 (TSLRCM), and then the Jedi Knight story in SWTOR, and I plan to post some thoughts as I go. I might even stream some of it on Twitch. I'll let you know.

Do you have any particularly fun or interesting memories regarding this series? Any plans to replay any of these great games?

Is film inherently shallow?

So, I watched both Ant-Man (fun) and It Follows (pretty, but dumb) yesterday, and it took me back to a familiar internal argument I've been having for years.

Video games, novels, comics, and serial television all have the ability to take their time and tell full stories. Films do not.

Marvel has done a good job of designing and repeatedly executing on a formula for giving the sense of a 'full story' in their films, even if they're mostly just fun spectacles.

In the case of It Follows, I was pretty damn let down. I really enjoy the horror genre, and while this technically falls into the genre, and despite being beautifully shot and using sound and music really well, it was dumb. The characters and story were both excruciatingly shallow, even with a cool concept in play, and the ending was one of those that implies the filmmaker just gave up.

Man, I was really hyped for that one, too.

Games tell stories through immersion, player agency, and have a nearly infinite number of ways to approach the conveyance of story and the conveyance of the player through the story. It can be used really well.

Novels. Duh. This is probably still my favorite medium for storytelling.

Comics have come a long way, and they actually seem to somewhat be the model for modern serial television.

And on that note, serial television is at a high point right now, and I'm really enjoying it. This has really stolen a lot of film's thunder for me, since it's a much deeper experience, whereas film has become, for me, more about the spectacle than anything. Film is dumber than ever, but prettier than ever, and both films yesterday really hit that home. Funny enough, Ant-Man had more character development and actual story than It Follows, which is hilarious.

The problem is that film, by it's limited running time, and higher costs, is severely limited in both the kinds of stories it can tell, and how it can tell them.

What say you?

2015 MLB All-Star Game

So, yeah, I'm a big damn Cardinals fan. Huge Cardinals fan. StL is my adoptive home, and I've thus been cheering them on for 30 years.

Anyway, watching the ASG, I can't help but yearn for one of the first basemen or someone that could be moved to first as a potential trade. Even if Adams wasn't hurt, it's time to stop pretending he's the answer there. And Reynolds is bad. 

I'm not one of those knee-jerk 'we must trade every prospect for a guy that's due $250m over the next five years' idiots. Actually, I'm opposed to nearly every trade the Cards make. I love our farm system. 

Unless we're going to give Scruggs a long look at first, I'd love to see us kick the tires on Todd Frazier, and if we can, set him up at 1B here. We badly need some punch. And a lineup that features Heyward, Peralta, Holliday, Grichuk looks a lot scarier with Frazier in the middle there.

Of course, there's that sentimental part of me that has Albert coming home ... sniffle ...

Things Are Good

It's important to not lose perspective. It seems like a lot of people use social media to shove things in front of each other and scream, "Look at all this shit that is horrible!"

Let that happen enough, and it seems like we're doomed.

That's bullshit.

Do we have problems? For sure. It's 2015, and some folks still want to fight over magic god beings, some people still want to deny science, and lotsa people still mistake a vocal minority for an impossible enemy.

Again, that's all bullshit, but they're loud because they're dying out. Ignore them, and we can just let them die.

Things are pretty great. The world is a better place than it was, and it's still improving. It's not perfect, but it's better than it's ever been.

The biggest problem is that bad news drives clicks and viewers, so that's most of what media outlets throw at us. Just use your brain to ignore the sensationalist crap, and go live your life. 

It is so easy to get caught up in the nonsense, I know, but just try.

And, PLEASE, for me, fact-check your reposts. Please. I keep Snopes handy because a few friends are gullible and believe that the President wants to hurt them personally. Sigh ...

Just Say No

I want a system in which I have a handful of facts that are used as overrides at times when my impulsive nature kicks in, specifically where food is concerned.

Something like:

01. Being fat causes stress.

02. Overeating even once compounds fatness and undoes any prior good behavior.

03. Being fat shortens your life span, and robs you of your best years, none of which you will ever get back.

04. Eating less costs less.

05. Looking good and having lots of money are the keys to happiness.

Something like that exploding in my brain every time I try to snack or overeat would be awesome. I'm not sure how to make it happen, though.

2015-07-10

Things I learned today:

01. I let myself get bummed out by other peoples' failings, and I despise that about myself. If someone has become someone that hates new ideas and experiences, it's not my fucking problem, and I need to let it go, and just move on. Currently, I let it bug me, and I want to cut that part of me out with a scalpel.

02. The Star Wars BTS video at Comic-Con was amazing.

03. I really wanna play through something old.

2015-07-09

What I learned today:

01. It's way too fucking easy to accidentally blow away a post here from the goddam iPhone app. Fuck.

02. The latest Terminator was fun.

03. I finished Pillars of Eternity, and it was amazing.

04. I need to finally sleep. I'll get with you tomorrow. Kinda pissed about losing this whole post.

My console is better than your console

Many moons ago, I bowed out of the console fanboy thing, and moved over to PC. I don't know if I just wasn't enough of an elitist prick, and needed to cement that standing among my peers, or if I just graduated, in all imaginable aspects, to be good enough for PC gaming. I dunno.

Either way, I currently own several gaming PCs and an Xbox One. The kids have a WiiU. I also have a 360 that sees occasional use, and an OG PS3 that I might someday use again, but probably not, despite it being one of those original models that will play PS1, PS2, and PS3. But, I digress.

Whenever I observe NPD numbers or genocidal shouting matches in the comments sections of GameSpot articles, I've recently started to wonder if there is any kind of marked difference between Xbox and PlayStation owners, and if this difference is one that could be demonstrated over a period lasting longer than one console generation.

In my own limited field analysis, I can tell you that nearly all my peers in the development world own both a gaming PC and an Xbox One, if they own any console at all. In fact, I've never even seen a PS4 in action in person, which strikes me as utterly mad, but somehow, it's just never happened.

As a side note, I will be getting a PS4 for Uncharted 4 and Horizon, but I feel it's had no compelling exclusives (none that compel me, anyway).

And I'm primarily a PC gamer, so the only XB1 games I play are Forza, and I did try to get into Destiny, but it didn't really work out (though the kids go nuts for it.)

Among my muggle friends, the console thing seems random. Some own both, some own one or the other, and yet others still have the Wii somewhere in their house, but can't quite remember where. Oh, and the hipster fucks that proudly proclaim that they won't buy a new console, since these are still new enough (2004.)

Anyway, I'm wondering if there is any discernible trait that separates the types of gamers that only play one modern console. Other than poverty. What say you?

Anti-social media

I was born in the late 70s, which means I've borne witness to some amazing and drastic changes in the world, both socially and technologically. I don't always realize how fast it all changed, but it is honestly more than I can handle at times, and I've worked in IT (both on the tech side and dev side) for years now. 

I think the part I struggle with the most is the social media side. My psyche doesn't mesh well with how most people my age use it, and it frankly wears on me. Moreso on Facebook than on Twitter, actually. Twitter just seems to carry less baggage. And it seems like a narrower 'type' in terms of who uses it.

But I digress ...

Facebook, lately, seems like hundreds of preachers lined up on the street shouting at each other about politics masquerading as religion masquerading as philosophy and science. It's horrid. Even the people I agree with come off as assholes. I've filtered and filtered, and directly expressed that Facebook is the last place that I want to have a meaningful discussion, and not that I expected anything to change, but it's becoming a less and less attractive way to spend my free time.

In a lot of ways, social media, I believe, has cut into free time that none of us actually had. It's not relaxing. It's not work. It's not really social (by which I mean that most people seem to use it to shout their beliefs and bully/shame others that don't share them. There's no dialogue.) it's this other ... thing. I haven't thought about it enough to decide if it's useful or not, but it's something that I need to reshape, for myself. My approach is flawed, and part of me wonders if it's a generational thing. 

Anyway, I vastly prefer Twitter, but, and this is going to mark me as 'old man,' for sure, but Twitter moves too fast. I feel like I can't keep up. Ha. I know. I probably just need to cut my follows waaay down.

OK. Just thinking out loud. What say you?

2015-07-08

Things I learned today:

01. I need to learn that George Costanza thing where he leaves the room after his first great joke.

02. It's not only years that speed up as you get older, but days, too.

03. I'm reticent to finish Pillars of Eternity.

04. I love being a developer, but it drives me crazy that things are never 'done.' Actually, I straight-up hate that part of it. It actively makes me unhappy, like money shortages and raisins in cookies.

05. I'm not loving my current Star Wars book, Planet of Twilight, but I am excited to move onto Dark Disciple. Remind me some time to tell you about my current Star Wars reading project.

06. I really need to start sleeping more.

RPGoodness

Something I've been mulling over lately is a recent streak, dating back to November of last year, in which my 'core franchises' have each delivered a new entry in the series. Dragon Age Inquisition, Pillars of Eternity, and Witcher 3 all released in a quick, six-month succession, and it's been kinda crazy.

Yeah, Pillars is a new franchise, but it also hearkens back to a different time, when the term 'cRPG' was still a thing, and imagination still colored in a lot of the experience.

In any case, it's been this really weird time in which I've gone from mega-huge game to mega-huge game, when I usually have some down time between monster releases. Given that I almost exclusively play RPGs, and big damn ones at that, I tend to have several months at a time in which I'm spending most of my gaming hours in the backlog, or in an MMO or two.

Instead, I played through Dragon Age (November) up to about the time Pillars hit (March), jumped right into that, then put down Pillars for a bit to play through Witcher 3 (May), which I finished over last weekend, and then I jumped back into Pillars, which it turns out, I'm almost done with anyway.

Of note, I grew up with most RPGs being in the 40-60 hour range, but each of those has been around 100 hours. Granted, I'm much more a completionist now than I was when I was younger, but still ... that's a lotta bang for my buck. And, shit, I was a day-one backer for Pillars, so that was about $20 for me (though I sunk in more later for some more goodies.)

And I expect to finish Pillars this week(end). After that, it'll be the first time since before Thanksgiving 2014 that I'm not committed to a new game. After that, the next new one will be Sword Coast Legends, from the great Dan Tudge, he of Dragon Age: Origins fame.

Oh, and The White March is hitting ... soon? And Witcher is getting a couple expansions, too. And DAI is supposed to get one more real DLC. It would be kinda neat if they all landed in a row.

Anywho, that's all for now. That's been rattling around in my brain for a bit, and I now wonder how long until something like this happens again? Mass Effect Andromeda is next year. Torment will come out some day. And I still have Divinity: Original Sin and Wasteland 2 unfinished ... and New Vegas. And shit, Fallout 4 this winter. OK. ENOUGH. I really do gotta go. I'll holler later tonight.

2015-07-07

Today's thoughts:

First, the world, from both a macro and micro perspective, gives not one shit what I think it should be doing to meet the temporal demands on it that I put. Frustration over this needs to be tempered with pragmatism, and/or whatever 'zen' feels like.

Two, Shia LeBouf needs to be cast as young Han. You disagree, I know, but then you're also a bandwagon-jumping parasite.