Happy Almost-Friday

I didn't post the last couple days, but I still wanna be your favorite bloggist.

Some shit got kinda dramatic in a few parts of life, and it was a couple days in which it was best if I avoided a medium in which I tell the world what I'm thinking about or what's going on.

It can be hard to maintain perspective at times, especially if you've got a history that's had some rather dramatic moments, but not in a while, if ya follow me. I thrive on being boring. I'm boring by design.

That being said, sometimes shit happens, and it's no one's fault. You can either keep it to yourself, or you can talk to someone. I encourage you to talk to someone. If you think you can't find someone to talk to, keep trying. You might be surprised. Just don't give up. It's worth it to keep trying.

While talking, make sure to listen, too. I had a good friend this morning throw something back at me from another perspective that really surprised me, and it was actually extremely helpful, and something I needed to hear.

When you feel like you're in crisis, clear your head, and really look around you. Your support network is bigger than you realize.

Anyway ...



I'm really stoked because Dawn of War 3 is out in a week, followed by Prey the next week, and I'm already backlogged by Mass Effect: Andromeda, Torment: Tides of Numenera, and Horizon Zero Dawn. Oh, and Elder Scrolls Online gets the Morrowind expac in June.

The good thing is that, after that, I've presumably got several months until anything interesting releases.

Regardless, this weekend, DoW3 is running an open beta that I'll be streaming on Twitch. I'm stoked to get in there and get my ass handed to me. I've loved the Dawn of War series for a long, long time, and I've loved Relic's ambitious and unapologetic approach. They drastically change the game with each numbered release, and that's kept the series fresh while also pushing the medium forward.

I'm not sure exactly what I'll be going live. I'm guessing probably Sunday? My weekends are back to being crazy for a while. Either way, I'll post to Twitter and probably here.

That KotOR Streaming Series
We're resuming the stream tonight and tomorrow night!

My last two episodes, the mic was fucked. I'm sorry. Thank the Maker for a friend that popped in and told me. That has been fixed, and we're resuming tonight!

I'll be going live around 8PM central both nights. Tonight, we start Tattooine, which is a really fun planet in KotOR.

Other Gaming Stuff
My gaming time, lately, is really cut down. That should alleviate once we into the second week in May. I think.

What little time I've had has been devoted, mostly, to Mass Effect: Andromeda, which I'm still really enjoying. I'm also squeezing in some Elder Scrolls Legends when I can, here and there. I hit a point the other night, though, where I really needed something else. I'm not a one-game guy. I'm just not. I fired up Torment for the first time in a month (I got frustrated by an unwinnable battle and Mass Effect hit), and fell right back in love. I was able to come at the battle another way, with no fighting, and move things forward. God, I love that game.

I think my goal is to finish Mass Effect and Torment before E3. We'll see. It would be fun to take the summer and do something different, which is play mostly PlayStation games. My family and I use the Xbox One constantly, but hardly ever touch the PS4, but it has two games I want to finish, which are Horizon and Uncharted 4.

I'm also giving thought to writing off console exclusives altogether. Console games are very inconvenient for me to play, and I really think I might just vote against them with my dollar. Not releasing every game on the device on which it was developed is just stupid. Not being able to take a game on the road or to work or mod it or any of that shit in 2017 is absurd, and I don't want to support it.

Anyway, that's all for now. Time for movie lunch at work.

Oh shit, and there's a new SWTOR release. I need to play that!

-Blaine

Just Another Manic ... Tuesday?

I think I'm just going through a rough patch. I've been letting stupid shit get to me, which I'm too old and too experienced to be doing. Nothing major, nothing dramatic, but I'm getting a full head of steam when I should just roll with stuff. Some of it's work-related, some of it's paranoia, some of it's anxiety, and some of it is just that I feel so busy all the time.

Summers are pretty crazy around our house, and I'd bet that's actually pretty common, especially in cases in which the household features multiple children and two adults that both work (me, full time, her, part time + grad school). Summers are just busy.

That just seems wrong, though. I get the logic of why summers are so busy, but in my mind, summers should be when I slow things down and enjoy myself. If I were to pick one season in which to be busy, I'd pick winter. Winter is typically a pretty miserable season anyway, and it'd be nice to keep myself too occupied to notice. 

I need to avoid statements like that, actually. Saying things like that just locks my mind into a single expected outcome. I need to be open to the possibility that winter can be great.

ANYWAY.

I've had about my fill of aggravation today. One of my personal challenges is that I lose perspective when I reach a certain level of aggravation, and I can't tell if someone is just trying to fuck with me or if they're just going about their business. I need to be a professional, not lose perspective, and just go about my business.

And my temper has been ... bad, lately. I haven't melted down, blown up, or anything like that, but I've had too many situations recently in which I've had to bite my tongue, recuse myself, or just leave the room for a bit. Most of them have been professional. What's tough, too, is that I work with a solid team of super-smart people, and most of the time, they're right on about stuff, which means that I need to be checking myself, and figuring out what's malfunctioning within me.

One x-factor is that I quit smoking about 5-6 weeks ago (maybe a little more), after over a little over 20 years of being a smoker. I'm thrilled with that choice, and I'm not going back, and I can't tell if that's having an impact.

Maybe it'll pass.

And it's not like things are bad right now. I'm letting minutiae dominate my view, but I'm also aware of the positives in life. My job still rocks, and when I'm not getting in my own way, I really enjoy it. My wife is amazing, and that's not just lip service. I really feel lighter and more at ease when we're able to spend time together. My kids are just fantastic and are, in many ways, charting the course for this family. I still love my gaming, when I have time to do it a little on the weekends. TIME. Ack.

I'm glad I'm recording this here, though. It'll be interesting to compare in a year, and see how I feel.

On the plus side, I am going to see Garbage tonight, for the first time. We (buddy and I) were supposed to see them like 20 years ago. They were gonna open for Smashing Pumpkins, and we were gonna leave after their set, so we didn't have to sit through the Pumpkins again (we'd seen them a few times, and they were also 'blah'). Unfortunately, the new keyboardist in the Pumpkins died, the tour got delayed, and Garbage went and did their own thing. Another time, I was gonna see them with a girlfriend who loved Garbage, but she and I had been in a pretty toxic pattern for like three years, so I dumped her via voicemail right before her first time seeing her favorite band ever. Yeah, that was a totally shit move, and it came back on me, as it should have.

Regardless, here we are, 20 years later, and I'm finally seeing them tonight. I've been a big fan for a long time, and I'm looking forward to it, even if it means I'll be exhausted tomorrow. That's gonna be the hardest part, actually.

Anyway, here's hoping the rest of today and tomorrow is smooth sailing. I really need a breather from all the intensity.

-Blaine